Megan

Megan is a friendless nerd from the 1980s. Unbeknownst to her, her biological father is Captain Mark Richards. She likes books, the band Bliss, loitering in the Madison Mall, and being bullied by other dorky children in cable-knit sweaters. During the events of the movie, she becomes best friends with Anastasia by showing her the joys of modern, mature capitalism. She also helps Anastasia avoid capture by the hypnotized Rasputin.

At the end of the movie, Megan befriends an old woman because she cannot make or maintain friends her own age due to being insufferable. Megan has likely eaten pizza at least once in her short and lonely life.